Dear Sisters in Christ, As the wife of a convert from Islam who is now on fire for our Lord Jesus Christ, I am a partner in his ministry, Jesus to Muslims. We are actively involved with Christian Muslim relations and in outreach to Muslims. In the ministry I have been personally involved with more Christian-Muslim personal relationships than I ever could have imagined. In the past two decades due to internet dating and a large migration of Muslims to the West many Muslims and Christians have found themselves in relationship; either that of dating or marriage. According to Islamic faith a Muslim male may marry a Christian woman but in the case of a Christian man wanting to marry a Muslim woman, he has to convert to Islam first. Although there have been and are some rare occasions of Muslim women interested in Christian men, almost all of the cases I have seen and have become involved in are Christian woman and a Muslim man. Thus, in the following pages I will address Christian women presently dating or planning on marrying a Muslim man. However, this information can also be applied to a Christian man and a Muslim woman.
Whether dating or planning to marry, the relationship not only affects the two individuals but brings far reaching effects to their families as well as any children that are a result of the union. According to estimates, although conflicting, 12 to 20 million Muslims have made the USA their home. As shocking as it may sound, to this day, over 500,000 American women have married Muslim men. Thus this subject is important to be discussed. We will look first at the issue ‘Why Christian women, particularly from the West, marry Muslim men’ then we will go into the details of ‘Status of marriage in Islam’ and finally seek what the Bible has to say about this subject.
Why ‘Christian women’ say ‘yes’ to marry Muslim men?
1. The Excitement of Difference
In my research I have found that it is for the thrill of having someone different that many women in the West become attracted to Muslim men. Here is someone from a different culture and religion who speaks English with an ‘accent’. He looks different and perhaps even dresses differently. (Lies like ‘it’s important to find a husband who is ‘tall, dark and handsome’, or ‘rich and famous’, or ‘prominent in the community circulating in Western culture certainly apply here.) Thus this unique situation holds a strong pull on the Western woman, even a Christian woman. Some women who went into relationships or married Muslim men, I am told, were intrigued by the difference and being inquisitive build relationships to explore the others culture and religion, and soon found themselves emotionally entangled. Little did they realize that one can learn more about another culture or religion by having friends of the same sex from that culture without having to be entangled emotionally! Of course, almost all who are attracted for this reason later discover that they had made a terrible mistake as the culture and religious differences that first attracted them become an unbearable burden making life miserable. (Reference 2 Corinthians 6:14)
2. The Romantic Shower
Western society has exploited women emotionally. A Western woman after being manipulated by Western men finds a Muslim man treats her with respect on their first date. Very soon other dates follow. He showers her with romantic words and flatters her with continuous compliments, and spares no expense to make her happy. She finds him saying and doing the right things to win her heart. Many Muslims know that Western society is very materialistic. Even if the woman, Christian or not, is not materialistic she is impressed when he buys her flowers, gifts and all the little things that he knows women like to receive from their dates. Some Muslim men may even offer financial assistance. Thus the romance, the words, the treatment and the generosity attract most women who do fall for a Muslim man. What they fail to realize however is that many Muslim men, just like Western men, are like that with any woman that they want something from. Some Muslim men are also extremely flirtatious, something inherent to their culture because of the religious and social repression.
Let me also mention that a few of the Muslim men might actually be sincere and truly love the woman. In the majority of cases however the good treatment will not last.
In Muslim countries, Western women who are not totally veiled like Muslim women, get emotionally and sexually harassed as they walk down the street. Men will follow them, openly saying flirtatious words to them, and might even touch them.
What you must understand is that a Muslim man has probably treated every one of his former girlfriends nicely until he got what he wanted from them. When Steven (my husband) was a student at a reputable university in North West England and later during his time as an instructor he saw many Muslim students who showered their Western girlfriends with flattery in English, but blasted them with the ugliest and filthiest words while they talked about them in Arabic, Urdu or Farsi, when speaking with other Muslim men. He could not believe some of the words they used to describe their girlfriends, words usually reserved for street language descriptions of harlots and prostitutes. This does not mean that all Muslim men treat Western women in this way, but at some point the Muslim culture will affect the relationship.
3. Immaturity
Some Christian women are attracted to Muslim men mainly because they are immature Christians. Some women might be new believers and/or lack Biblical wisdom and discernment. I knew a Christian woman who was only 20 years old when she was married to a Muslim. After several years of marriage and constant terrible turmoil, she divorced him. The fighting and turmoil continued into the next decade, not only for the custody of their children but for the children’s very heart and soul! Other Christian women are spiritually immature regardless of their age. If that is you, then you need to concentrate first and foremost on growing in the Lord before you marry anyone, especially a Muslim! Such a life changing decision should never be taken while still spiritually immature. I highly recommend studying through the ‘Lady In Waiting’ Bible study written by Jackie Kendall to understand God’s plan for your life and mate.
4. Rebellion
Some Christian women are just plain rebellious. They think they know what is right for them and they do not want anyone to tell them what to do, or to even give them advice. They think they can handle it and know what they are doing. They convince themselves that they are in control and the criticism is unfair, especially since they think they know their Muslim boyfriend much better than their critics. They assert that “with love” it will work out. They even express seeing many evidences of the “hand of the Lord” in bringing them together
Steven and I know a Christian woman (in Florida) like this who married in spite of all advice to the contrary, including wait and give the relationship more time. She entered into a very turbulent marriage that brought her tremendous misery and pain. The man has left her and is back in Jordon but she still thinks that one day he will come back, this in spite of the fact that the man is now married to a woman there. Instead of breaking off her relationship she remains in contact – telling us proudly how they are on the phone every week. When we mentioned to her that her attitude was not biblical, she walked away. One cannot rebel against the Lord or give the cold shoulder to people who love them enough to warn them and expect to have no consequences.
Rebellion is very costly and there will certainly be a price to pay. Think it through before it’s too late! Some rebel all the way and they commit fornication with their boyfriend because they want to hasten the marriage. What they don’t know is that that very thing will come to haunt them later. Most Muslims do not easily accept such moral ‘cheapness’ from a woman he intends to marry. This is deeply rooted in the values of Muslim culture. It will rise up as an unmerciful nightmare that might haunt the woman for years. Carnality and rebellion will only lead to a hell-on-earth marriage! We also have personally experienced another woman in Florida whose husband uses these degrading derogatory morally degrading terms toward her when they would fight and especially now that he has left her.
5. Loneliness and Pressure to Marry
Some Christian women are attracted to Muslims simply because of loneliness. Others feel the social and biological pressure to marry. One must learn to trust the Lord and wait on Him. Even if the proposal from a Muslim is the only offer she receives, it is never reason enough to marry him! Those that marry a Muslim because they did not want to “miss the boat” later discover that they got on board the Titanic!
God might appear slow to you but He is never late if you continue to trust Him. Moreover, it is much better to serve Him as a single person than not to be able to serve Him because of your Muslim mate! Get your priorities in order and seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all the blessings of the Lord will be added unto you!
One day, a Christian woman came to us after a seminar Steven was teaching. She told us she was dating a Muslim man fifteen years younger than she. He was in his early twenties and she in her late thirties. She knew about our ministry to Muslims and wanted Steven to meet him. She told Steven how very impressed she was by the fact that he did not drink or gamble. He talked about god and treated her with utmost gentleness. She went as far as to tell him that he was God’s man for her. She was feeling the pressure of her age and had prayed for a husband. She asked Steven if he would meet him and Steven agreed. The next day Steven met him and at first he was amazed at the choice of words he used. Speaking in Urdu and Pushtu he described what a great lady she was and what a “distinguished” family she came from, although he knew nothing about her family. Steven could easily tell that he was over doing it, so he asked him to tell me about his background. Soon it all became plain. He had come from a strict family in Afghanistan and he was running out of money and time on his Visa. He did not want to go back and expressed fear of the government which sometimes indicates he was in trouble with their law. He also feared that if he went back he would be forced to serve in the army and most likely never be released from that obligation. When discussing Jesus, he was polite but as far and closed to the subject as Steven had ever seen a Muslim be. Steven informed the young women that he just wanted to marry her so he could stay in the States. That was the last we heard from her.
6. Insecurity and a Negative Self Image
Some Christian women marry Muslims because they have a negative self-image and suffer from insecurity. This leads them to doubt the love of God for them and the fact that He really does have the best in mind for their lives. You need to believe that God loves you so very much and wants you to live the abundant life. He has planned His very best for you and wants to see you live out your maximum spiritual potential. He does not love others more than you, for whatever the apparent reasons are that convinced you of that! You, yes you, are the apple of His eye and His will is not for you to suffer further alienation from Him by marrying a Muslim, but that you might come to know Him deeper. He gave His very best in order that you might be saved. Why would He withhold anything else but the best from you, especially a good Christian mate as your perfect match? (Rom. 8:32)
7. Witnessing
I keep this for last because it is perhaps the most common reason why Christians, especially Christian women, get attached to a Muslim man. Muslim men will readily show interest in a nice Christian woman who tells them about their faith. They might even “seem” to be genuinely receiving the truth of the Christian faith. Some might go as far as making a public profession of faith in Jesus as Savior and Lord, but only because they want to please their Christian girlfriend.
In many cases, it is just a mask and not a real conversion. When a Muslim is genuinely converted, all he can think or talk about is Jesus. He usually would not place any other relationship above his new found relationship with Christ as the Holy Spirit would lead him. Genuinely converted Muslims become much more zealous than their Christian friends, especially girlfriends. When he starts learning what the Bible teaches he is shocked at how his girlfriend ignored the high standards of the Bible and conducted herself according to the flesh with them! They even become troubled that one on one carnal girlfriend/boyfriend relationships are even accepted by Christians, especially between Christian women and unbelieving men.
Therefore, your unbiblical relationship with a Muslim man will backfire if he is genuinely converted! And, young ladies, may I warn you, if he wants you first and your God second, it is a far cry from conversion, and you’d better stay away from that person like you would a rattle snake! It is one thing to be converted because the Holy Spirit broke his heart with the revelation of the cross and their sin, and another thing altogether to make a confession of faith just to be with you! Satan knows and uses Christian clichés masterfully.
Beware! Of the many couples I personally have come to know where the husbands at one time or another confessed faith in Christ, only four Muslim men have actually continued with the Lord. Two of them are still struggling in their marriages to this day! For those four genuine conversions, there are perhaps forty false ones!
Therefore, you my Christian sister have no business witnessing to a man alone, especially if he is a Muslim! It is against his culture to be alone with you anyway, and he knows it. There are no boyfriend-girlfriend relationships in Muslim cultures. There are no "just friends" one on one opposite sex relationships either! I cannot number the times when I hear Christian women, in ignorance about Islam, tell me: "we are just friends"! Furthermore, they do not let their women spend time alone with any western man or any man for that matter! In their culture, women talk to women and men to men and for your protection it needs to be your standard also.
My Christian sisters, when you ignore that cultural difference and spend time with him alone as “friends,” know that you are doing something that is unacceptable in his culture. He has already lost respect for you though he probably will not confess that to you! And, if you truly want to witness to him, introduce him to one of your male Christian friends or relatives, or pray that the Lord will send him one. But you must never witness to him alone. By doing that, and even if you do not get personally involved with him at all, you have already lost credibility in his eyes. Please realize that if you do get emotionally and physically involved, your Christian testimony might not have any impact.
Some Christian women insist that even if he is not a believer at the time of marriage, they will bring him to the faith after marriage one way or the other. But they only deceive themselves by accepting an illusion. Twenty years later, if they last that long, all their children are either Muslim or want absolutely nothing to do with religion, and their marriage has literally been hell-on-earth! Please, don’t try to justify your intentions using what Paul had to say about that, "How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?" (I Cor. 7:16). That interpretation of scripture is taking the verse out of context and perverting God’s meaning.
The Qur’an states the following regarding wife beating: “As to those women, on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their bed and (last) beat them lightly”. (Sura 4:34). It is very important to notice that the word “lightly” is just an Islamic effort to water down the beating of women taught by this verse. It is not in the original and in fact, the Arabic has the strongest word possible for “beat them”! Regarding divorce, the Qur’an again tells only men: “there is not blame on you if ye divorce a woman before consummation or the fixation of their dowry; but bestow on them (a suitable gift)” (Sura 2:236-237). In fact, a Muslim man can divorce his wife for any dissatisfaction he judges worthy of divorce. All he has to do is say to her: “I divorce you” three times and the divorce is final!
Forcing Islam on Wife and Children
Almost all Muslim men who seem so open and liberal when they are dating a Western woman turn into staunchly Muslim husbands after marriage, especially when children come along. The Muslim husband now no longer approves of the “immoral” way that his wife dresses, even if that is really modest by Christian standards. He wants her to dress the Muslim way, that is, to cover her face or at least her head, and every other part of her flesh, from head to toe. Tremendous pressure is put on her to embrace Islam.
Some husbands use education and start giving their wives all kinds of literature about Islam and against Christianity. Others use intimidation and pressure. A Christian woman, through our website, wrote how in order to force Islam on her he kept his house full of Muslim friends whenever he was home, always talking about Islam and knocking Christianity.
After the couple have children, it is certain that the father will want them to be Muslim. Procreation in Islam is one way of spreading the faith. Muslims have a saying: “If you cannot propagate (Islam by conversion), procreate”! Since Islam is anti-Christian when it comes to the Person and work of the Lord Jesus Christ, only a miracle would prevent the children from being confused and prevent them from embracing Jesus as Lord and Savior against their father’s will.
Despising Western Culture as Immoral
Muslims do not have high regard for Western culture. In short, Western culture is immoral in their eyes. Everything about it is anti-Islamic: the freedom of women, the right to one’s own opinion, the freedom of expressing it without fear of repercussion and the separation of Church and State in any manner of interpretation. Also included in their distain are vices such as alcoholism, homosexuality, pornography, abortion, premarital sex, gambling, drug use and lenient laws against crime and criminals.
Add all the above and you can understand why the Muslims consider America “the Great Satan” for example , by the radical Islamic government of Iran. Therefore, when a Muslim marries a woman from the Western culture he is automatically programed by his religious convictions to respond to that “evil” culture by changing his wife.
At Manchester University, Steven knew two Muslim young ladies who lived and were educated in England. Although they were Muslims, they were not as radical and closed minded as they would have been if they were raised in a strictly Muslim country. However, they both married men from a Muslim country. Before the marriage, the men took their fiancés to a Sheikh in order to perform a religious ceremony in which he was to cast out the devil from the women. This was to “clean” them up in preparation for the Muslim way of life with their future husbands.
Man is the Supreme Boss
In Christianity the husband is the head of the wife and family as Christ is the head of the Church. In Islam the husband is the supreme lord and master. Head and master are two different things. The head leads but the master commands. The head confers with the other members and works in close cooperation with them but the master confers with no one and always acts alone. The head, though leading the body, sees himself as one flesh with that body while the master sees himself as totally independent of all others. The husband in Islam has the first, last and every word in between. The woman has to obey her husband not only out of duty, but worse yet, out of a sense of her own inferiority. So before you get starry eyed for your Muslim friend, remember that this will be your life with him every day after marriage.
Business before Family
Most Muslim men are workaholics. One reason for this is the fulfillment it gives the man to excel in life and to boast of his accomplishments to satisfy his ego. A second reason is pure greed. The desire to accumulate wealth and make a name for oneself is the name of the game. Thirdly, there is a lack of communication between him and his wife, who after all is just a housekeeper and mother to his children, and not equally his friend and lover. It all reminds me of my father and his 4 wives and several other relationships he had.
Therefore, the husband is not very anxious to return home early and has no problem working from early in the morning until late at night. His neglect of his wife(s) and children in the name of making a living is altogether accepted in Islam. The wife(s) dare not complain about it or she will be seen by family members and society in general as a bad wife!
Freedom of Men to Indulge in Sexuality Outside of Marriage
Islam does not hide the fact that men have all the freedom they want to satisfy their lust by indulging in sex outside of marriage. A married man can go out for a night on the town with his friends while he wife remains home with the children. Although adultery is condemned in Islam, men can fool around freely and just ask Allah to forgive them.
Some of Steven’s Muslim students wanted to be friends because of his position at the university. They thought if they invited him into their inner circle he would honor them with good grades or even give them access to exams in advance of the test. They were quite disappointed when it did not happen. Meanwhile, Steven came to know a lot about them. Some of these male students were married and had wives back in Saudi Arabia and Kuwait. They spent a lot of evenings partying and couldn’t seem to get enough. When Steven asked them how their lifestyles squared up with their Islamic faith, their answer was most surprising. They said that since they were young and had all these biological urges, and since the Western society around them offered continuous temptations, Allah would understand and forgive them. Besides, they intended to fully make up for it by living according to all the strict Muslim laws upon their return home. This attitude is not confined to single Muslim men, but married men as well. In fact, Shiite Muslims have what is call the “mutaa marriage” or temporary marriage for pleasure.
A married man who sees a woman whom he lusts after and desires can arrange to “marry” her for a few hours, a day or a week or other short period. It is then lawful for him to indulge till he is satisfied after which he can dissolve the “marriage” without any responsibility, just as quickly as he arranged it! It is called “marriage”, but it does not carry with it any of the responsibilities of a marriage relationship or long term commitment. It is purely a pleasure oriented agreement that gives a covering for the indulgence of the flesh. It servers no other purpose other than satisfying the lust of men. This is not to be though as strange since Islam itself does not help build any internal strength against lust. Some Muslim sects actually permit it under the mask of religion. This no doubt is a result of the personal struggle of the first Muslim, Muhammad himself. He had many wives, concubines and scandalous marriages. Muslim tradition even confesses that one of the three things that Muhammad most loved was women!
I must say at this point that what most Muslims believe in public and what they actually practice in private are two different things. What I am referring to here is the actual practice of most Muslim men. In all fairness, some do indeed aspire to live moral lives and subject themselves to strict codes in order to please God. Unfortunately they are the minority and do it for totally legalistic religious reasons that will certainly come into conflict with the teachings of Christianity.
So my dear Christian sister, if you want a husband who might find religious justification for his lust while fastening the yoke of Islamic legalism tightly on you and your children, then go ahead and marry a Muslim!
WHAT THE BIBLE HAS TO SAY
1. What Is Marriage?
According to the Bible, marriage is a permanent relationship between two people who enter into a covenant with each other and God as the third party. This is all clearly seen in the one verse that states: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh" (Mark. 10:7-8 NIV). In the Old Testament version of this verse (Gen. 2:24 KGV), the Hebrew word used for "be united" or "cleave", is a very strong and interesting word. It is the word "dabac," which literally means "glued"! When strong glue is applied between two pieces of wood, it becomes very hard to separate the two since they bond to look and function as one! Not only is this so, but should they be forcefully separated, then both pieces would be damaged, and none of them will go back to the state it was in before the glue was applied! In the same way, marriage is to be a permanent "glue-type" relationship. And when divorce occurs, it does great damage to both parties regardless of who was more to blame! I liken this bond by gluing two construction paper hearts together, allowing them to completely dry. Then try to pull them apart. Parts of each other’s hearts remain stuck to the other and one heart is never whole again.
Also, in the Greek grammar of the New Testament, the voice of each of the words "leave," "be united," and "will become" crystallizes the divine intention for marriage and its meaning in the sight of God. The first word "leave," is in the active voice. In other words, it is entirely the decision of the man. He must understand that his marriage takes priority over his relationship to his parents. He is still to honor them, but he is also supposed to leave them, that is, make his marriage the priority. The significance of the active voice is that the man is to do that on his own. It is an action of his will that he is expected to take. The second word "united" or "cleave" is in the middle voice. The middle voice in the Greek is kind of reflexive, so that the acting subject also affects himself. The English "be united" is not entirely accurate as it presents the uniting as a passive action, that is, someone else doing the uniting. The middle voice is more cooperative than the passive can't-help-it kind of a picture. Thus, when the husband actively leaves and cleaves, he actually invites the presence of God. God then comes and unites the two in a cooperative manner so that, although it is the husband apparently doing the cleaving, it, nevertheless, is God cementing that union invisibly as well! And when that begins to happen, only then can God perfect that union by making the two one flesh, which accounts for the significance of the passive voice in the phrase "will become one flesh." For it is only God who can ultimately make them one flesh, but only after they have fulfilled their part of the deal!
In this, I am reminded of a couple that Steven and I counseled in South FL. The wife came to me after discovering what we did in our ministry calling. We met her and her husband at a restaurant. The Muslim husband wanted to obey his parents and go back to Pakistan as he felt is Islamic obligation to them over his wife. He asked his ‘Christian’ wife to go with him but she wisely refused, knowing the isolation she would experience with all of his Muslim family there. She understood the warning we gave her that they would eventually convert her to Islam or her life may be in danger there if not. Steven tried to convince her Muslim husband in their own common language that in America and in Christianity the wife always comes before parents even though respect was important and he needed to convince his parents of the importance of his marriage being in first priority. He refused and divorced her in a matter of days and returned to Pakistan with his parents as a divorced man. The wife was devastated at first but eventually felt God’s peace and safety in the decision. She contacted me just recently informing me of how grateful she was we lead her in the right direction and that God had now blessed her with a Godly husband and she is so incredibly happy and blessed. I praise God she listened to God’s voice through us.
2. Be Not Unequally Yoked
With that kind of understanding of marriage, it becomes plain why Paul strongly urges us:
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: ’I will live with them and walk among them, and they will be my people"' (II Cor. 6:14-16 NIV).
There is no more plain language in all Scripture as to what God thinks of a relationship between one of His children and an unbeliever! In this passage, marriage is described by Paul as a yoke, a commonality, a fellowship, a harmony, and an agreement. And a relationship with an unbeliever is referred to as a partaking by the believer in wickedness, darkness, idolatry, and the influence of Satan himself! No Christian can in all honesty explain away Paul's words and still have a clear conscience should he choose to disobey them! To go against them is pure and blunt disobedience that will certainly bring immense sorrow!
3. Two Faiths: One Flesh?
When you have two married people who belong to two faiths that are diametrically opposite on the identity of Jesus and His work, how can they possibly live as one flesh? On the one hand, through marriage they are to become one flesh, but on the other hand, they will have tremendous difficulty living out that unity. Therefore, the "one flesh" desire of God from marriage will always be less than He intended it to be when one partner is an unbeliever in general, and a Muslim in particular.
4. Two Faiths: Called To Peace?
The Bible also tells us that we are called to peace in marriage: "But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace" (I Cor. 7:15 NIV). It is the perfect will and call of God for people to be at peace in their marriage. It is not His will that the couple constantly argue, fight and make life miserable for one another, especially for the believer! God wants you to have peace in your marriage which will be impossible when your other half is a Muslim and you are a practicing Christian believer!
5. Two Faiths: Marriage Honorable?
The Bible also tells us that it is God's will that "marriage should be honored by all” (Heb. 13:4 NIV). As mentioned earlier, the Muslim has a totally different understanding of marriage which does not conform with the Christian standard of honoring marriage. For example, the Muslim husband might freely indulge in extramarital affairs and defile the marriage bed. Some might either go for the "mutaa’ marriage" with other partners, or take on one or two or three more wives! The Greek in that verse in Hebrews (13:4) uses two adjectives that cover all kinds of unfaithfulness and licentious engaging in biblically forbidden practices. It is almost impossible to have a Muslim husband and a biblically honorable marriage at the same time!
6. Two Faiths: Godly Seed?
One of the purposes of marriage that God designed is the generation of "godly seed. It is not only to "be fruitful and multiply" without regard to the relationship of the seed to God. In other words, God not only wants us to have children, but He specifically wants us to have godly children! This is very clear in the following verse: "Has not the Lord made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth" (Mal. 2:15 NIV). The context here clearly shows us that unfaithfulness had its adverse effects on the kind of seed the children would be, which is what the Lord is warning against. And if the unfaithfulness of a believer endangered the godliness of his seed, how much more would the union with an unbeliever, especially a Muslim? Children are to be an inheritance from the Lord (Ps. 127:3), and they are to be godly children raised honorably in the Christian faith (Eph. 6:1-3). This is all impossible when their father is a Muslim who despises Christianity and holds anti-biblical views about the person and work of Christ.
7. Solomon & Samson versus Isaac & Jacob
The Bible itself gives us ample example of people on both sides of the issue. Those who obeyed God and married in the faith and those who ignored His Word and disobeyed Him by marrying unbelievers. The former were tremendously blessed, and the latter painfully hurt for life. Consider, for example, Solomon and Samson. Both men went after unbelieving women. Samson was quite a character. Lots of strength in his whole body, but very little between his ears! He was the type of man that had no respect for the divine commandments in the area of flesh (Judges 14:1-3). He did not stop to think twice about the consequences of his actions. He figured that since God had already favored him with amazing physical strength, he would kind of "wink" at Samson's indulgence. Whatever his flesh lusted after, he jumped into it without any hesitance or resistance (Judges 16:1). He overestimated his security in God, and underestimated the strength of the enemy. He assumed that he could get away with anything while still keeping the blessing of God intact! He found out the hard way that he was dead wrong and had to pay for his mistakes and reap the harvest of his seeds of rebellion and carnality (Judges 16:20-21)!
Then there is Solomon. God gave him great wisdom unparalleled in all history. He grew and prospered more than any other before or after him (I Kings 3:10-14), yet he still did not learn to control his appetite for unbelieving women (I Kings 11:1-3). Against the will of God, he used the kingly power given to him by the Almighty and married many foreign unbelieving wives. They caused his heart to go astray from the Lord even to the point of worshipping their gods and building altars for them, the ultimate treason against God (I Kings 11:4-8)! This caused Solomon and all Israel to pay a heavy price and experience the wrathful judgment of God that shattered the kingdom and led the nation into exile and captivity (I Kings 11:9-11). God is a jealous God, and He will not share His glory with another! You cannot serve the god of Islam, and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ at the same time!
But then, on the positive side, there are people like Isaac and Jacob. See how Abraham begged his servant to go and get a wife for Isaac from his own people (Gen. 24:3-7). Isaac obeyed and he inherited the blessings of Abraham. He was tremendously blessed throughout his life (Gen. 26:2-6). Then there was Jacob, who also married within the family of God and eventually became the father of the twelve tribes of Israel (Gen. 35:22-26). He gave Israel its name and its people. No wonder then that God Himself is referred to in Scripture as the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob over and over again! They were blessed men with blessed homes, children, and families. They enjoyed all the blessings of the covenant of God throughout their own lifetimes and then passed them on to their children! Which ones do you choose to be like, Isaac or Samson, Jacob or Solomon?
So, my dear Sister in Christ, it is really all up to you! If your heart cry is: "as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord," then do not get emotionally involved with a Muslim – even if it is on the internet only which is becoming more and more attractive for men and women to be in contact for relationships.
8. Christian Injunctions Missing In Islam
There are lots of Christian injunctions given to husbands, and privileges of wives that are totally missing in Islam. So, before you marry a Muslim, ask yourself if you are willing to endure a marriage that does not exhort your husband to follow such injunctions. These privileges and injunctions are as follows:
Wives are equal heirs together with husbands (I Pet. 3:7), and partners in covenant with them (Mal. 2:14). They also have equal authority over the husband's body as he has over theirs (I Cor. 7:3-6).
Husbands are to love their wives as they love themselves (Eph. 5:33), or their own bodies (v. 28). Even more than that, they are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her (Eph. 5:25-27).
Husbands are to honor their wives and treat them considerately according to knowledge (I Pet. 3:7). Hence the woman's weakness should bring forth the husband's gentleness not his mastery and domination. Furthermore, that same text makes the observance of such treatment by the husband a prerequisite to answered prayer, and its avoidance a sure way of those prayers being hindered!
Husbands are to be faithful to one wife (I Cor. 7:2).
Husbands are not to be harsh or bitter with their wives (Col. 3:19).
Would you be willing to spend the rest of your life with someone who does not consider you to: be an equal heir, a partner in covenant, have equal authority over his body to the one he has over yours? Would you be willing to spend the rest of your life with someone who does not see any reason to: love you as himself, love you as his own body, love you as Christ loved the Church, honor you and treat you considerately, be faithful to you, resolve not to be harsh or bitter with you?! Would you be willing to spend the rest of your life with someone who does not accept such injunctions as being from God, and who does not have the least conviction about obeying them?! If yes, then go ahead and make your life miserable! But if not, then do not date a Muslim!
9. If Yoked - Don't Leave
Although the focus of this work has been to discourage Christians from marrying Muslims, it is not to be misunderstood as encouraging Christians who are already married to Muslims to leave or divorce them. For the same apostle who told us not to be unequally yoked also commanded us to stay in the marriage relationship when the partner is an unbeliever. Paul said: "To the rest I say (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified by his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy." (I Cor. 7:12-14).
Therefore, if you are married to a Muslim, and he does not physically abuse you beyond that which you can bear, or does not sleep around with other women, and is willing to stay married to you, then do not seek to divorce him. In fact, the Bible encourages you to win him over, not so much by preaching to him, but quietly through your behavior as he sees the fruit of your faith (I Pet. 3:1-2). You will also do well to heed the rest of the teachings of that passage that tell you to submit to him, especially in non essential matters, and not to overdo it in outer adornment but to have the "unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit" (vs. 3-6). These things will go a long way in attracting your Muslim husband to the Christian faith.
Finally, remember that God is working with him and on you so don't give up. Sometimes we want things to happen at a faster pace than they actually do, but we need patience as well as faith to inherit the promises. Keep praying, keep interceding, ask others to pray, be submissive as much as you possibly can, love him, honor him, forgive him, and live out your faith before him. But also remember, that all of this is no guarantee that he will eventually become a Christian since although God will deal with him in answer to your prayers, He will never override his will. This is exactly why Paul wrote:
"How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?" (I Cor. 7:16 NIV).
All you can do is live out your best before him, have faith and hope, demonstrate love, and pray continually...
May His blessings and advice remain with you.
Your sister in Christ